![]() ![]() Still, the big questions - kids, marriage, money, parents, profession, place - loom just outside the frame, because with each year it becomes clearer that this life of mine is not practice, not groundwork for something bigger and later, but real, for keeps, permanent. I do not expect it will feel this good forever, so I am trying to be in it, to tread the water of it, while I can. The rhythm of things suits me, finally, after a lot of stops and starts and uncertainties. I count my steps and I take a light antidepressant. I sing in a choir I knit sweaters and socks I make dinner for myself most nights. I’m largely happy: I like my job and my city, love my friends and boyfriend, and have not had to contend yet with any major family tragedy. Thirty is, if anything, a waypoint, a firm-ish line I can use to demarcate a portion of my life and take some semblance of stock. I feel lucky to be getting to this age at all - several people I loved did not - and 30 is not old, and old is not bad. ![]() I’ve identified as 30 for the past few years, so really this is just making it legal. everything else going on in the world at the moment. I’m not scared about it, or anxious I reserve those feelings for …. I had not thought of it that way, although the fact that I was telling my chiropractor about the game at all should have been a sign I was in deep. “Wow,” my chiropractor said when I told him I’d hit the 40-hour mark, seven days in. I got the game for Christmas, started it on the second day of the new decade, and by early April have logged, according to the in-game counter, over 240 hours of play time. It’s embarrassing how much I’ve played Fire Emblem: Three Houses. ![]()
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